Life, Updates and Achievements.

Hey there, remember me? Nope I didn't think so. I haven't done a post in a very long time, and to those of you who love reading my posts and keep telling me to do more I apologise, I have been meaning to do one for some time now I just haven't got round to it. I'm lazy haha.

So what's been going on? well quite a lot actually, I didn't even realise just how far a long things had come until I read my first ever post which was January 2014, a whole year and a half away almost. Time goes so quickly now I'm older and maybe because I'm enjoying life more.

In that post I set myself goals to complete for the year, they were as follows:

Goals for 2014: 

1. Get a bus on my own (Haven't done that in 4 years) 
2. Start driving
3. Lose weight 
4. Work on going to college or getting into work
5. Say YES to more things and not let opportunities slide.

I'm actually quite surprised reading them, I mean the first goal I honestly thought there was no way in hell's chance I'd be able to get on a bus by myself again, but I did it! Not only did I accomplish that, I am now a regular bus user, I rarely get panicky or anxious getting the bus now and that's just crazy to me. Occasionally I get days where I struggle and don't feel like doing it but that's bound to happen, the difference is I don't give up, I try again another day.

I even go out on my own more, I don't mean crazy nights out, but to the shops, or appointments etc, I do it on my OWN. 

I got the train up to Lincoln on my own to meet my sister at uni once as well, (which I'm sure I will be doing again sometime soon).

I haven't started driving yet, but that's fine I have plans to start, It's just taking that first step right? I'm not sure when that will be, but It will be someday.

Losing weight, the bane of my life, *sigh*. I've lost a few pounds, nothing major, but I do eat so much better now, I use to be a huge coca-cola addict, I was drinking maybe 1L a day, and cutting that down was not easy, The headaches were awful, I was constantly tired and exhausted, I was so grumpy, It took a while, I'm still not coke free ( haha doesn't that sound dodgy) but I now drink fizzy drinks with sweeteners rather than sugar and I don't drink a whole lot of them neither, I've replaced them with, Smoothies/Juices, (Thanks nutribullet) and Water (Still and Flavoured). I've replaced all my carbs for wholemeal ones, I eat more protein, and I rarely snack now. I go on walks with my little dog, Charlie, and I do some workouts at home, I may not have lost a lot of weight but the main thing is I feel so much better in myself, mentally and physically.

I didn't go back to college as I decided it just wasn't for me, so I started a course online in veterinary nursing, which is what I've wanted to do for a while now, It's so interesting, I've almost finished and then I'll have my final test, Once I pass I'm going to ask around my local vets for voluntary work to gain practical experience, as of course the online course is only the theory side. 

Say YES to more, this has always been a difficult one, deep down I want to say Yes, I want to just not give a fuck and be happy and have fun, but sometimes the mind doesn't allow that. However I have made a bit more of an effort to not turn down opportunities, like when I get invited out I try my best to go and have fun, most of the time I do, sometimes not so much, Having a panic attack in the middle of whether spoons wasn't very nice, but everyone was so supportive and understanding. Took me a while to get back out there, but I did it, and I shall continue to do so. 

Overall I feel more positive, I try to not let negative people get in my way now, I just block them out, why should I have someone around me if they make me feel so bad, it's just not worth it. 

I still have a way to go, but i'm getting higher up on my little ladder :)

Let me know if you prefer these kind of life update posts, or do you like my beauty and random related ones more? 

I'll try not leave it so long before my next post. (No promises, I know what I'm like ha)

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So, It's Been A While.......

The last couple of months have been......strange, I don't really know how else to describe it. So I'll explain what I've been up to since my last post.

Summer Arrived.

I've never really been a summer loving type of girl, The sun is suppose to make you happy and to motivate you but in all honesty it doesn't have that effect on me. I hate the summer, mainly because it means stripping down into shorts and vests and well we all know I don't have the perfect body and I really admire those who do have the confidence to wear what they want and not care, but me, I hate showing skin, I'm much happier in a baggy jumper and thick leggings, I just feel more comfortable and it's not even because I'm worried about what people think, I couldn't care less, it's me, even in my own home I refuse to wear shorts or a vest (unless I have a cardigan over the top) I feel bare and humiliated by myself. I also hate summer because of the heat, now of course my clothing choices don't help but I'm one of those rare people who can't stand being hot and sweaty, I literally melt in the sun, after 5 minutes I'm looking for shade. I get headaches and feel sick, I literally can't think of anything worse than laying under the sun, hence why I'm so pale.....I can live with that though.

My 22nd Birthday.

So I turned 22, it was fun, I was spoilt as always and I did really enjoy myself.....but as each year goes by, it's another reminder of how little I've accomplished and the older I'm getting the harder and scarier it is becoming. 

Anxiety/Putting Things Off.

So for some reason, I've being putting everything off, even stupid little things like washing my hair....it's gross I know, but I've been supper sluggish and lazy, I feel so guilty about it and I know it's got to change. I've been putting off exercise which is why I probably feel lazy. I've been putting of my veterinary course, I've been putting off cleaning/tidying. I've been putting off going out anywhere. I pretty much just sleep and eat, it's really embarrassing for me to admit and the longer it keeps going on the harder things will become, so I'm going to make a conscious effort to sort this error in my life out.

Losing My Childhood Companion.

My beautiful Jasmine, she may have been an unusual dog, but if you got to know her like I did, she was special and she only allowed people she trusted and loved close to her heart and that wasn't many lol she was very protective. We lost her to cancer in the end, she was 13 years old and had a long happy life. It's hard not having her around, I was only 9 when we got her, shes been there through everything. Every house move, every argument and fallout and every celebration and laughter. I will dearly miss her and It will never feel the same without her.

Now for somethings a little more positive.

Charlie.

We decided to get another dog, my mum has always wanted a Caviler King Charles Spaniel, ever since she was a little girl. One night we happened to research into the breed a bit more, get a bit more information, price, temperament, health conditions, if they get on well with cats etc etc. It just so happened there was one little boy pup left about 8 miles down the road from us and it was the exact gender and colouring my mum wanted. We didn't want to get a puppy so soon, but after we thought about it, we kind of just felt as if it was meant to be, what are chances of the exact breed/gender and colouring to be so close to your home, and for it to be ready to be collected at that time. A lot of people would just say it's coincidence, but it felt a little like fate for us. Although we still miss Jasmine so very much, and it's still not the same without her. At least we have a little something to keep us occupied and positive while we get use to her not being around. 

Diet 

So I may not be exercising, but at least I've kept my diet on track. I still only eat brown rice/ brown pasta, veg/salad and chicken/fish 99% of the times. I've even been adventurous and tried Quinoa and Courgettes....didn't think i'd like them but, turns out I actually do. I've been making a conscious effort to drink more water as I'm pretty terrible at this. I tend to fill up on fizzy and high sugared drinks, which I'm slowing cutting back on.....it's hard ok! I've had a few off days, where I've binged on chocolate but I don't let myself go off the rail, I tell myself it's ok in moderation, you've got to treat yourself a little, but it's about knowing when to stop, trust me, if you knew me 3 years ago......I've improved so much. 

Veterinary Course

I may have been putting it off more than I should be, but I am making progress, I've passed  3 tests so far and currently studying lesson 4. I think because Lesson 2 was such a long, and hard lesson, it took me ages and I found it really difficult getting my head around it, but I eventually did and i'm breaking the lessons up into sections which is helping a lot, instead of trying to cram it all in to my brain in one go....it just doesn't work. 

I know where i'm going/gone wrong and at least me recognizing that is something, so I can take the steps to put it right. I keep reminding myself how far I've come in the last couple of years and how much improvement I've made and not to let it all go to waste. I guess we all have bad days....weeks even months, but noticing the reasons why and not letting them drag us down is the best we can do. Constantly reassuring yourself it's ok to be down but tomorrow is a new day and you need to pick yourself up and try again, just keep trying, no matter how many times you fall or fail, one day, you may eventually succeeded even if it's a little later than everyone else, you still did it, in your own unique way. 

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A New Me?

This will probably be a fairly long blog post as I have so much to update you on. I've debated to make each subject into separate posts but I think that will take too long, so instead I'm doing one huge mass post....I hope you don't mind.

Recently my life seems to have flipped around and things have been going good for me, really good. I almost don't want to write this post as I'm scared I might be jinxing it, but I'm really happy and I want to share that.
I've always believed in fate and things will come to you when you least expect it or when the "time" is right and maybe it's my time now. (At last).

So as most of you know, I've been doing pretty well at managing my anxiety, I still have the odd blips here and there but the difference being I get back up and start again instead of letting it rule my life and decisions. It's hard to know when my luck seemed to change, a lot as happened at once.

29th March - Family Get Together.

I rarely get to see my Dad's side of the family, so it's always nice when we meet up. I always find myself getting nervous because I want to impress them, I want them to know I'm doing well, and it's hard to feel proud when you're not really doing anything at the time. So I always try to avoid conversations about "me" and what I'm up to as I never really know what to say. The difference this time was I was open and honest, I've always been ashamed to have a mental illness and I try to hide it. I had a lovely chat with my Grandad about what I want to do and where I want to be in life, we talked about his past and his family and he reassured me that I can do what I want, if I want it bad enough. I also spoke to my Aunt about how I find it hard to socialise and I don't have very high self confidence/self esteem and a part from her being a little shocked as she's always known me as a confident girl, she was very open and didn't judge me, she made me feel comfortable and It made me realise if you can be honest with anyone, it's your family because they will love you for you and that's all that matters. I was proud that I was a bit more open. It was lovely to see everyone. 

Job Hunting.

I was helping my step-dad look for jobs online, and while looking I came across a few I thought were perfect for me. Normally I would completely freak out and not even contemplate applying for them, So many things would go through my mind. "I'm not good enough" "I'm too overweight" "They won't like me" "How will I get there" "I can't get the bus, people will laugh" "It's not suitable" "It's going to make my anxiety worse" "You won't be able to even attend the interview without looking stupid" etc. This time instead of allowing myself to criticise before I'd even done anything, I just took the pressure off, I thought "There is no harm in applying, you probably won't even get an interview but if you do and you don't feel comfortable about going, then that's fine, at least you've made progress in even applying, If you do get an interview and manage to go (which is fine if you don't go) and you get the Job, if you don't want to do it or you don't feel ready for it, that is also fine." I broke it down, into 3 steps, the first being just applying for it and wait to see if even step 2 comes along; an interview. Before hand I was acting as if applying for it was saying I'm accepting the job which is silly because in most cases you don't even get an interview. 

The other thing that put me off applying is the fact I have no experience and only GCSE's, no one is going to even look twice at my CV, especially because I've been out of education and work for over 4 years. So I made the decision of putting a little bit about my mental illness on my covering letter just explaining why I haven't been active in the last few years and how I'd happily answer any questions or doubts they had, I would also be willing to work for them voluntarily to prove I am the right person for job. I know this is a huge risk, but I thought what have I got to lose, at least I'm showing I'm honest instead of them thinking I'm just lazy and haven't bothered. 

Veterinary Nursing.  

I've wanted to do an animal based course for about 4 years now, I've applied to college twice, once in 2011 and again in 2013. In 2011 I couldn't even attend the induction without having a full blown panic attack after just receiving the letter so I cancelled my application. I made progress in 2013 as I did go to the induction, I thought it was a one on one, it ended up being a whole group of us which freaked me out but in way it was good because once I got there I couldn't back out, If I knew it was a group meeting I probably wouldn't of even attended. It was a great day, I got on with the other students and the lectures were very friendly and super understanding of my anxiety, it made me feel motivated and I was convinced by September I would be going back to college. The problem was I was now classed as an adult, I wasn't eligible to use the designated college buses as they were for 16-19 years, I had to make my own way there. Which meant trying to pass my test in a couple of months when I had only started driving, or getting 3 buses. This freaked me out big time as I still hadn't manage to get the bus on my own but I thought I would be able to overcome that. I was wrong, and inevitably went down hill and shut off from the world making my anxiety worse....I've learnt not to do that now. 

My Aunt came across an online Veterinary Assistant course on Groupon a few weeks ago, at first when my Nan told me about it, I was very withdrawn, I didn't know much about the course and I couldn't get my head around how you would learn to do something fairly practical online. I had a look into the course and it sounded perfect, it was pretty much everything I've wanted to learn enabling me to work with animals. My lovely Nan said she would pay for it knowing how long I've had my heart set on a course like this, I was dubious, it was a lot of money even with the discount and I didn't want her to fork out the money if It wasn't something I was set on. I had a think about it and realised I was once again trying to talk myself out of a great opportunity, I can do this course in my own time and from the comfort of my own home, what was there to be unsure about? I eventually realised I would regret not taking the course while it was a decent price, maybe it was just meant to be? I start the course in May/June, which I'm looking forward too. 

Isle Of Wight.

Over Easter weekend I went to the Isle of Wight with my Dad, Brother, Step-Mum and Step Brother. I haven't been there since I was about 6 or 7 and I have so many childhood memories from there. I've wanted to go back for a while now, so was super excited. We had a wonderful time, I pushed myself into situations I wasn't 100% comfortable with ,which I normally wouldn't do. While everyone was on the amusements I would walk further away until I couldn't see them, I would go to the toilet by myself, I wasn't so afraid about being on my own, I knew they weren't miles away. It was a fantastic weekend and boosted my confidence.

Job Interview.

I got a phone call from a woman a few days ago who said she had read my covering letter about my mental illness and she wanted to explain a bit about what the job was before she offered me an interview, I can't believe how understanding and helpful this lady was, she was so supportive and wanted what was best for me as well as for her, after a brief chat on the phone she has arranged for us to meet this Wednesday; to see if she believes I'm suited for the job and for me to know a bit more about what I'll be doing, so I know if I'll feel comfortable with it. We shall see where this takes me. 

Shopping and Partying with Abi.

I had to get some interview clothes as I want to make a good impression. Abi also wanted to celebrate getting a new job, we decided to to go to Peterborough and have a girly shopping day. This was a test for me as.....I LOST Abi, she had my bag with my phone and purse in, I was looking at some t-shirts I turned around and she had disappeared. I spent about 15 minutes looking around the whole shop trying to find her, there was no sign, I could feel myself starting to panic, I calmed myself down and took myself to customer services (which normally I would of felt too stupid to do) and they gave an announcement, she eventually made her way back and we had a giggle over it as we actually realised we had passed each other 3 times......darn us for being small! I was proud of myself, I didn't care if people at the customer services thought I was stupid, I was worried, it was a big store and I could feel myself panicking, I'd rather people think I was silly or over sensitive than have a major panic attack in front of some strangers. 

We then decided to go out for a few drinks as she rarely gets a Friday or Saturday night off. We thought it would be a quiet night just the two of us but it was pretty adventurous, I rarely go out because I don't do well with loud drunk people, I'm normally too shy and too insecure, worried about what they think of me. I actually had a lot of fun, I never get chatted up but I was approached by 3 guys, and I was pretty funny if I do say so myself,  it was strange though because most of you have seen my sister, she is stunning she gets male attention a lot! Like flies to poop! It has boosted my confidence considering how low my self esteem is. I now sound vain hahah my bad. Overall we had a fantastic night, I couldn't do it on a regular basis but I'm going to make more of an effort to go out a bit more.

There you have it, a little bit about what I've been up to, hopefully things will continue to go on the up. Thanks for reading.

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Seven Deadly Sins - Greed (Everyday Makeup Tutorial)

Recently I've had this idea of having a different everyday makeup look that represents one of the deadly sins, there are a lot of tutorials to do with the seven deadly sins but majority of them are not looks you could wear on a normal day but more for halloween or party's.
I also wanted to pursue this "series" as I have a love for makeup and constantly looking for new products to buy and try but I never really get round to using them as I rarely wear makeup and I want this change. I have a love/hate relationship with makeup, I enjoy looking at it and buying it and creating new looks but I hate wearing it and applying it, its time consuming and I'm pretty lazy when it comes to taking pride in my appearance and I also don't like the feel of it on my face but I think that's because I'm not use to it.
Once I've applied the makeup I do feel that bit more confident (when it goes/looks ok) so by doing these looks i'm hoping I will get into a routine of taking more pride in my appearance. Just for the record I am 100% comfortable going out with no makeup so this isn't to please or impress other people it's simply something I want to do.

To start with I chose Greed : also known as avarice, cupidity or covetousness, is the inordinate desire to possess wealth, goods, or objects of abstract value with the intention to keep it for one's self, far beyond the dictates of basic survival and comfort.

My interpretation of greed is showing off how much wealth you have, so to achieve this look I decided to use gold as my main colour. Here is the final look:

Although Greed is about showing off I kept this look quite minimal as I wanted it to be a "day time" look. Otherwise  I would of gone heavier on the gold. Less is more in my opinion.

This is how I achieved this look:

Step 1: Prep.

I washed my face and applied my normal skincare routine which you can check out HERE. I then applied a face primer, I used The Porefessional by Benefit, this is quite a high end primer but there are much more affordable options on the high street. I apply a primer as it helps keep the foundation on for longer, it gives your skin a smoother appearance and also helps maintain shine if you have oily skin.  

Step 2: Foundation.

I used Max Factor Miracle Touch Liquid Illusion Foundation in Creamy Ivory, this foundation is my all time favourite, It gives a flawless finish and gives a pretty full coverage, Yet it is ultra lightweight and almost undetectable on the skin, it melts into the skin without disappearing. I love it. 

Step 3: Conceal/Cover. 

The concealer I used is the Collection 2000 Lasting Perfection in Light. This is quite a heavy concealer but it gives amazing coverage. I use it under my eyes to cover any dark circles and lightly over my blemishes and pat it into the skin rather than blending it out as I think this method covers better. 

Step 4: Setting/Powder.

I love my Blank Canvas Contour/Highlight Palette it's a beauty. I used the second Lightest colour all over my face to set my foundation and concealer. Just dust it over with any face powder brush you have. Then get your pout on ready for step 5.

Step 5: Contour.

Sticking with the trusty Blank Canvas Palette I used the two darker shades mixing them together on my brush and contoured in the hollow of my cheeks, down the edges of my nose, along my jaw and temples. I then used the white powder to highlight: on the bridge of my nose, on the top of my cheekbones and bottom of my eyebrow bones, across the center of my forehead and chin. Don't worry it looks quite harsh at first and in the picture I applied a little more than I would so it would show up. The key to contouring is the blending. Blend it all together so there are no harsh lines. 

I chose to contour on this look to give the face some structure and give a more bronzed effect which will complement the gold. 

Step 6: Blush.

I chose to use Sleeks Blush in Lifes A Peach. It's a lovely coral colour which I thought would go with this look. I applied it to the apples of my cheeks before blending out towards my temples. 

Step 7: Highlight.

Even though I'd already highlighted earlier I felt I needed a more of a shimmer look rather than a matte. I don't have a gold highlighter so I used this shimmery light gold eyeshadow from MUA Going For Gold palette. I applied this to center of my nose and the top of my cheekbones, blending it out to give a softer look. 

Step 8: Eye/Lip Prep.

To prep my eyes I used "That gal" face brightening primer by Benefit. I know it's a face primer but because it's a brightening primer I decided to use this on my eyes. I just used trusty old Vaseline on my lips to soften and moisten my lips ready for my lipstick.

Step 9: Eye Base.

I love cream bases, they just seem to be perfect for applying eyeshadows over the top. I used Maybelline Colour 24hr Tattoo in On and On Bronze, I wanted to use Eternal Gold but I couldn't find it :(. 

Step 10: Eyeshadow. 

I used this shimmery gold shade over my lids to "gold" up that base haha. It's from the MUA Undressed Palette which is a dupe of the Urban Decay Naked Palette for a smidgen of the price. 

Going back to the MUA Going For Gold Palette I used the darker Gold on the inner part to the middle of my lid and I used the lighter gold (The one I used for a highlighter) in the inner corner of my eye and under my brow bone. 

Step 11: Eye Contour.

Going back to the MUA Undressed Palette I used the dark shimmery brown on the middle to outer corner of my eyes and then using the matte brown to add depth to the eyes. I brushed this through the crease of my eyelid bringing it down to my lower lash, it should form the shape shown in the picture. ">". When adding depth to the eyes it's better to use a matte colour rather than a shimmer, as shimmers catch light particles and stand out working like a highlighter. 

Step 12: Eyeliner.

Using MUA Liner in black to line the outer corner of my lower lash line and up corner of my eyes to make my lashes look fuller, I then blend it out with my finger to the middle of my eye for a less harsh look. 

Step 13: Mascara.

To finish the eyes I curl my eyelashes which makes me look more "awake" and helps widen the eyes. I then applied a coat of Max Factor False Lash Effect in black to give my lashes a full and thicker effect as I have pretty rubbish lashes. 

Step 14: Brows.

I don't know if you've noticed but my right brow is higher up than the left and I have quite light brows which are very sparse, so I find filling them in finishes the look. I use B. Groomed Eyebrow Pencil in Hazel. I use light strokes for filling my brows in as it gives a more natural look, on my left brow I fill in from the top and on my right I fill in from the bottom to try and even them out lol.

Step 15: Lips.

I used three products on my lips, the first being Revlon Colorburst Matte balm in Audacious it's a pinky coral colour which I thought would compliment the eyes very well. I then used La Color Lipstick in a browny/gold glitter (It doesn't have a name) in the centre of my lips to give a slight ombre/sparkle. I finished of the lips with L'oreal Paris Glam Shine in Infinite Desert. It gives the lips a more plump look and blends the two colours together whilst adding some golden sparkle. 

And that is my finished look for greed. I hope you like it and try it out for yourselves. I think this look is suitable for any occasion, whether it's a day out shopping or a lunch date. Let me know what you think in the comments and if you like this kind of blog post. If so, which look would you like to see next?

Sloth
Lust
Gluttony
Pride

Envy
Wrath. 

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Why Should We Hide Our Flaws?

We've all heard the cliche "Beauty Is Skin Deep" and although I truly do believe to be classed as a beautiful person you need to have a beautiful heart, it is extremely hard to be happy with your appearance in today's society. Not only do we have the media portraying this image of what people, particularly girls should look like, men and women can also be so judgemental on how people look. Why must we all be so perfect? I know that majority of the photo's you see in magazines of these women having flawless skin are photoshopped and caked on with make-up but when you have ordinary people picking out peoples flaws and judging you on them that's when it becomes worrying.

If a celebrity is seen without make up and has "bad skin" they are heavily criticised for it, like recently Harry Styles from One Direction was spotted with a few spots on his face, now instead of the people criticizing him for having terrible skin and saying he is unhygienic they should be supporting him in the fact he isn't ashamed to go out without covering them up. He is a teenage boy, what do you expect? being a celebrity does not make him immune from getting spots. Also having spots/acne does not make you unhygienic at all, in fact people with such skin conditions probably clean and look after their skin better than people who don't.

Now I'm not saying I'm never judgemental, because as a natural instinct for humans we judge people from the second we meet them but why does it always have to do with there appearance? Unfortunately for me I have the top 3 terrible flaws, 1) Being over weight 2) Bad skin 3) Being short. Although being short doesn't actually bother me as much as it does other people. The first thing people say to me when they meet me for the first time is "No way you can't be 21, you're so small and look so young" to begin with this use to really bother me but I've heard it so often it's like yes, well done for pointing out the obvious, and in fact I actually like being small, and looking young is a bonus in a lot of ways, my point is you don't hear people say "Woah you're so tall and look so old" because that would be considered rude.

Now a lot of people who know me will know I hardly ever wear make up, I probably wear it on average once a month. I only wear it when I'm going to see people I want to make a certain impression on. The reasons for this is because I honestly can't be bothered to apply it every day it takes too long. I also get really mad/upset with myself when I have to look in a mirror, especially when it goes wrong, because I have such low self esteem and I'm my own worst critic I think "You're too ugly to wear make up Becky, you look like a clown, you just look like you're trying to look pretty and you actually look stupid." yet when I do wear make up everyone compliments me on how pretty I look and how much it suits me, I don't really know if this is a compliment or not, because it's like saying you should wear make up more because without it you don't look as good. This is probably my mind twisting everything round into a negative because I find it hard to believe someone can find my beautiful.

So the point of this post (Sorry it's took so long, well done if you've even read this far ha) is I'm trying to not be so hard on myself, I do have bad acne and skin, and the strange thing is I'm not afraid to go out to the shop or to the cinema with out make up on, but when it comes to uploading photos on to the internet I feel I have to either wear make up or edit out my bad skin, i'm so afraid of getting negative comments about my skin, when in reality I shouldn't be, because it's not my fault I have acne, I cleanse, tone, and moisturise my skin, it's hormonal and genetic. I was just unfortunate, same as everyone else who suffers with skin conditions.

So this is quite challenging for me, as I'm about to upload three pictures, the first being the original photo straight from the camera, the second is the same photo but  edited - what I would have done to it if say I was going to upload it to a social networking site, and the third is a photo of me with a full face of make up. Now 99.9% of my photo's on facebook are photoshopped and I shouldn't feel as though I have to edit them for them to be acceptable and to not be judged. Yes I have acne/bad skin but so what? does that make me less interesting or not as nice as someone who has flawless skin? I honestly don't think it does, and although it makes me feel insecure at times, I'm learning to live and deal with it, I'm still young so maybe I'll grow out of it eventually but if not then it's no big deal, I'm still me.

This is what I would normally do to a photo of myself, adjust the lighting, smoothing out the skin and covering up all the red scars/spots. It's quite a noticeable difference between the two photos which shocked me and made me not want to upload this but how can I expect people to love me for me if I can't even accept/love myself. So what the heck!

This is a photo of me with make up on, I've adjusted the lightning but nothing else.

Now I'm not saying I'm never going to edit my photo's again, especially when it comes to uploading them on facebook, I want to become more confident and I'm trying this new technique of not letting people judging me for my looks and letting my low self esteem rule my life. So this is me, take it or leave it, it's your choice. I'm only human just like everyone else.

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