What a year it's been...

So.... It's been a while, just over 2 years to be exact. I sort of lost touch with this blogging thing when life took over, but here I am, once again, writing another post.

Well to be honest I don't really know where to start, 2017 has been such an amazing year for me, probably the best of all, well at least for a very lonnnnng time. Towards the end of 2016 from October time I had a bit of a mental breakdown and felt as if my life was once again spiraling out of my control...most of you would be shocked to hear this as i'm very good at hiding these things but to close friends and family they will know what I mean...but that's a completely different story for maybe a different post ha.

Anyway back to the point of this record.

Let's start of with January...

Not going to lie I wasn't really in the mood for the whole new year thing, I felt stuck, lost and miserable, thinking "here we ago again another year to pass me by with nothing good to come of it"...I know so pessimistic!
....but little did I know this was to be the start of something amazing.
It all started when this guy, who just randomly added me on Facebook one night and I know what you're thinking oh god haven't we all heard this story before, but it's a little different, you see, this guy, I sort of knew him, he was the brother of one of my work colleagues and I had heard many a stories about him, not going to lie quite a few of them weren't so great ha and never in my wildest dreams would I have thought we would hit it off.

To begin with I was quite guarded, for obvious reasons, one being he didn't have the best reputation and the second being I didn't want to be the girl that everyone at work gossiped about because of our relationship. so we spent days and nights chatting, a lot of flirting on his part.... and I found myself starting to really like him, however there was still that wall up and after one arranged date (in which I cancelled on last minute haha) his brother (my work colleague) and my mum convinced me to just give it a shot, so that I did, a few days after I fell ill with a sickness bug so I had to cancel our second meeting which I was gutted about but he sent me a card, a bear and a chocolate rose and left it on my doorstep to cheer me up and we literally talked all night! He is the sweetest guy. I felt like a teenager again. I could feel myself falling for this guy and slowly but surely within a month or so after many late nights talking and seeing each other twice a week, we became a couple.

James and I

Since becoming a couple, James and I have been and done so many fun and wonderful things this year and we have started off our first year together with lots of lovely memories.
We spent a lot of the times going to the Hunstanton, maybe because after our first time there, we officially became an "item". I particularly remember one night, It was a bank holiday Monday, end of August about 5pm I had just finished work and he rang me up and literally said be ready in 10 minutes I'm taking you to hunstanton for the evening, I thought are you mad, the traffic will be crazy and by the time we get there it will be gone 6.30ish and everywhere will be closing, but he was adamant, he said we're going to see the sunset so I quickly got changed and off we went. It turned out to be the best evening, it was so beautiful and yes the traffic was mayhem but it was so worth it! I love how spontaneous James is, I'm such a planner, I have to organise everything in advance but James lives for the moment and I feel we balance each other out well, he is slowly making me realise that sometimes the best things in life are the ones that you just let happen and not try to control.

We also spent our first few days away this year, we stayed at this lovely hotel on the outskirts of Norwich and we spent a beautiful day in Cromer, and then a not so nice day (wind and rain) in Great Yarmouth  but we found a stylish pub and played some pool which was nice and the drive back to the hotel was an adventure trying to get through the flooded back roads in his little corsa. I think we rerouted the sat nav at least 3 times haha.

And not to mention all the cinema and dinner dates, it's been such a lovely year and I'm so happy I have found someone who gets me and takes me for how I am and my crazy little ways, he's a trooper for sure.

I can't wait to spend the next year with you James, I'm looking forward to seeing where it takes us!

February

You never guess what I did .....I finally started my driving lessons again, after 5 years of putting them off after such a horrible experience I took the plunge and reached out to someone who was recommended to me by my sister, the first few lessons I was soooo nervous and It probably took me a good few months to finally feel settled but even now just before a lesson I still feel slightly anxious, but once i'm in the car i'm fine :D and dare I say it....I actually am starting to enjoy driving. I passed my theory test on 15 November and can't wait to pass my practical and drive wherever I want whenever I want.

March

This month I found out I was going to become an auntie!!!! I wasn't completely shocked as I knew Abi and Lee had spoke about having kids and how badly they wanted them but I did think it was going to be a few months later on but needless to say I was over the moon and so excited, I just can't quite fathom how quickly her pregnancy went, and as always Abi was bewildering in how she managed it, she seemed to sail through it with ease considering she was doing 13 hours shifts back to back  in 30 degree heat on some days to make up her nursing hours towards her degree, she is literally my hero I've never met anyone so strong minded and determined in life as she is.

April

I won the grand national....I chose 3 horses and they came 1st, 2nd and 5th!!! A small win but nevertheless still a win and i think the first time I've ever won anything on the grand national!

May

Dubrovnik!!!! My dad and step mum treated me to a trip to Croatia - Dubrovnik for 5 days for my birthday present and it is the most beautiful place I have ever visited! It's the first place I've been to in which the currency was different to gbp or euros so that was an experience. It is probably my most favourite place I've been to even though it was verrrry expensive and crazy busy because of the cruise ships, I'm so glad I got the privilege of visiting such a wonderful country, Thank you Dad and Wendy, best birthday present ever!!

September

In September I got to see my darling sister graduate and it was such an honor to observe. She looked stunning in her gown and I cried like a baby when I first saw her in it. I was just so proud I can't even put into words how much so. The amount of work she has put into her degree has paid off and I always knew she was going to do well. Well done Abi, you're my shining star.

December

On the 5th Dec my gorgeous Nephew George was born and what a bundle of cuteness he is, I have never seen anything so perfect and I can't stop staring at him, he is adorable and Abi makes such a natural mother she is doing so well.




In December I also applied for a team leader position at the Holbeach store. Not going to lie I didn't think I had a chance of getting it, but I was amazed to find out that the manager there thought I was the strongest candidate and after meeting for an interview he phoned up my boss and told her I was just the sort of person he wanted and when can I start. I was overwhelmed. I'm so happy and excited, but part of me is really nervous and dubious, it's going to be a challenge and a big change, I'm coming out of my comfort zone and leaving such an amazing team of people who have grown not only to be my friends but almost like family. I know deep down I am ready for this move and I have grown in confidence so much in the last 2 years and things can only get better for me but of course it will take some adjusting, meeting new people and dealing with a new job role will be difficult but it's an exciting opportunity to face and see where it takes me.

So here's to the new year, a new job, the possibility of passing my driving test, a baby nephew and a gorgeous and supportive man by my side, what more could I want going into 2018.

I wish you all a happy new year and hope it's as good of a year as 2017 has been to me!

Love to you all,
Becky x

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Life, Updates and Achievements.

Hey there, remember me? Nope I didn't think so. I haven't done a post in a very long time, and to those of you who love reading my posts and keep telling me to do more I apologise, I have been meaning to do one for some time now I just haven't got round to it. I'm lazy haha.

So what's been going on? well quite a lot actually, I didn't even realise just how far a long things had come until I read my first ever post which was January 2014, a whole year and a half away almost. Time goes so quickly now I'm older and maybe because I'm enjoying life more.

In that post I set myself goals to complete for the year, they were as follows:

Goals for 2014: 

1. Get a bus on my own (Haven't done that in 4 years) 
2. Start driving
3. Lose weight 
4. Work on going to college or getting into work
5. Say YES to more things and not let opportunities slide.

I'm actually quite surprised reading them, I mean the first goal I honestly thought there was no way in hell's chance I'd be able to get on a bus by myself again, but I did it! Not only did I accomplish that, I am now a regular bus user, I rarely get panicky or anxious getting the bus now and that's just crazy to me. Occasionally I get days where I struggle and don't feel like doing it but that's bound to happen, the difference is I don't give up, I try again another day.

I even go out on my own more, I don't mean crazy nights out, but to the shops, or appointments etc, I do it on my OWN. 

I got the train up to Lincoln on my own to meet my sister at uni once as well, (which I'm sure I will be doing again sometime soon).

I haven't started driving yet, but that's fine I have plans to start, It's just taking that first step right? I'm not sure when that will be, but It will be someday.

Losing weight, the bane of my life, *sigh*. I've lost a few pounds, nothing major, but I do eat so much better now, I use to be a huge coca-cola addict, I was drinking maybe 1L a day, and cutting that down was not easy, The headaches were awful, I was constantly tired and exhausted, I was so grumpy, It took a while, I'm still not coke free ( haha doesn't that sound dodgy) but I now drink fizzy drinks with sweeteners rather than sugar and I don't drink a whole lot of them neither, I've replaced them with, Smoothies/Juices, (Thanks nutribullet) and Water (Still and Flavoured). I've replaced all my carbs for wholemeal ones, I eat more protein, and I rarely snack now. I go on walks with my little dog, Charlie, and I do some workouts at home, I may not have lost a lot of weight but the main thing is I feel so much better in myself, mentally and physically.

I didn't go back to college as I decided it just wasn't for me, so I started a course online in veterinary nursing, which is what I've wanted to do for a while now, It's so interesting, I've almost finished and then I'll have my final test, Once I pass I'm going to ask around my local vets for voluntary work to gain practical experience, as of course the online course is only the theory side. 

Say YES to more, this has always been a difficult one, deep down I want to say Yes, I want to just not give a fuck and be happy and have fun, but sometimes the mind doesn't allow that. However I have made a bit more of an effort to not turn down opportunities, like when I get invited out I try my best to go and have fun, most of the time I do, sometimes not so much, Having a panic attack in the middle of whether spoons wasn't very nice, but everyone was so supportive and understanding. Took me a while to get back out there, but I did it, and I shall continue to do so. 

Overall I feel more positive, I try to not let negative people get in my way now, I just block them out, why should I have someone around me if they make me feel so bad, it's just not worth it. 

I still have a way to go, but i'm getting higher up on my little ladder :)

Let me know if you prefer these kind of life update posts, or do you like my beauty and random related ones more? 

I'll try not leave it so long before my next post. (No promises, I know what I'm like ha)

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So, It's Been A While.......

The last couple of months have been......strange, I don't really know how else to describe it. So I'll explain what I've been up to since my last post.

Summer Arrived.

I've never really been a summer loving type of girl, The sun is suppose to make you happy and to motivate you but in all honesty it doesn't have that effect on me. I hate the summer, mainly because it means stripping down into shorts and vests and well we all know I don't have the perfect body and I really admire those who do have the confidence to wear what they want and not care, but me, I hate showing skin, I'm much happier in a baggy jumper and thick leggings, I just feel more comfortable and it's not even because I'm worried about what people think, I couldn't care less, it's me, even in my own home I refuse to wear shorts or a vest (unless I have a cardigan over the top) I feel bare and humiliated by myself. I also hate summer because of the heat, now of course my clothing choices don't help but I'm one of those rare people who can't stand being hot and sweaty, I literally melt in the sun, after 5 minutes I'm looking for shade. I get headaches and feel sick, I literally can't think of anything worse than laying under the sun, hence why I'm so pale.....I can live with that though.

My 22nd Birthday.

So I turned 22, it was fun, I was spoilt as always and I did really enjoy myself.....but as each year goes by, it's another reminder of how little I've accomplished and the older I'm getting the harder and scarier it is becoming. 

Anxiety/Putting Things Off.

So for some reason, I've being putting everything off, even stupid little things like washing my hair....it's gross I know, but I've been supper sluggish and lazy, I feel so guilty about it and I know it's got to change. I've been putting off exercise which is why I probably feel lazy. I've been putting of my veterinary course, I've been putting off cleaning/tidying. I've been putting off going out anywhere. I pretty much just sleep and eat, it's really embarrassing for me to admit and the longer it keeps going on the harder things will become, so I'm going to make a conscious effort to sort this error in my life out.

Losing My Childhood Companion.

My beautiful Jasmine, she may have been an unusual dog, but if you got to know her like I did, she was special and she only allowed people she trusted and loved close to her heart and that wasn't many lol she was very protective. We lost her to cancer in the end, she was 13 years old and had a long happy life. It's hard not having her around, I was only 9 when we got her, shes been there through everything. Every house move, every argument and fallout and every celebration and laughter. I will dearly miss her and It will never feel the same without her.

Now for somethings a little more positive.

Charlie.

We decided to get another dog, my mum has always wanted a Caviler King Charles Spaniel, ever since she was a little girl. One night we happened to research into the breed a bit more, get a bit more information, price, temperament, health conditions, if they get on well with cats etc etc. It just so happened there was one little boy pup left about 8 miles down the road from us and it was the exact gender and colouring my mum wanted. We didn't want to get a puppy so soon, but after we thought about it, we kind of just felt as if it was meant to be, what are chances of the exact breed/gender and colouring to be so close to your home, and for it to be ready to be collected at that time. A lot of people would just say it's coincidence, but it felt a little like fate for us. Although we still miss Jasmine so very much, and it's still not the same without her. At least we have a little something to keep us occupied and positive while we get use to her not being around. 

Diet 

So I may not be exercising, but at least I've kept my diet on track. I still only eat brown rice/ brown pasta, veg/salad and chicken/fish 99% of the times. I've even been adventurous and tried Quinoa and Courgettes....didn't think i'd like them but, turns out I actually do. I've been making a conscious effort to drink more water as I'm pretty terrible at this. I tend to fill up on fizzy and high sugared drinks, which I'm slowing cutting back on.....it's hard ok! I've had a few off days, where I've binged on chocolate but I don't let myself go off the rail, I tell myself it's ok in moderation, you've got to treat yourself a little, but it's about knowing when to stop, trust me, if you knew me 3 years ago......I've improved so much. 

Veterinary Course

I may have been putting it off more than I should be, but I am making progress, I've passed  3 tests so far and currently studying lesson 4. I think because Lesson 2 was such a long, and hard lesson, it took me ages and I found it really difficult getting my head around it, but I eventually did and i'm breaking the lessons up into sections which is helping a lot, instead of trying to cram it all in to my brain in one go....it just doesn't work. 

I know where i'm going/gone wrong and at least me recognizing that is something, so I can take the steps to put it right. I keep reminding myself how far I've come in the last couple of years and how much improvement I've made and not to let it all go to waste. I guess we all have bad days....weeks even months, but noticing the reasons why and not letting them drag us down is the best we can do. Constantly reassuring yourself it's ok to be down but tomorrow is a new day and you need to pick yourself up and try again, just keep trying, no matter how many times you fall or fail, one day, you may eventually succeeded even if it's a little later than everyone else, you still did it, in your own unique way. 

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My Internet "Dating" Experience.

So It's been a while since I've been bothered to even look for a boyfriend or have any kind of a relationship, partly because I'm happy just by myself, I don't need some guy invading my space, but also because I honestly haven't been at all bothered, until recently. As crazy as it seems i'm almost 22 and although that is still young, I'm starting to feel like an "Adult" scary!! Majority of the people I went to school with, are married or in long term relationships with children, woah hold your horses there before you get ahead of yourselves! I still feel too young for that, but part of me is a tad jealous as they all seem so grown up and happy with their families and I don't really have anything. Now of course I'm not going to go out there grab any old guy get married and have kids, that's not me at all (much to my mother's disgust lol) and I don't even know if I want kids. The point is my life is passing by so quickly, and it would be nice to be able to share certain experiences with someone other than my cat! Although I do love him! So I thought about joining a couple online dating sites, not thinking anything of it, just as laugh, but my god, what an experience.

So I've come to the conclusion I'm either extremely naive or guys these days are just full on perverted (not all guys of course), maybe it's a bit of both. I'm not even exaggerating when I say 9 out of 10 guys on these sites are just interested in sex, I kind of knew you got weirdo's online and I can never imagine having a full on relationship with someone who I met through the internet as it creeps me out a bit, but I was truly shocked at the amount of guys with in seconds of messaging me were asking me for nude pics or asking me sexual questions, like seriously does that even work? Of course I just deleted them and ignored the messages but It did make me wonder is that what these kind of sites are used for? Call me old fashioned but I'm not into the one night stands, friends with benefits, sleeping with strangers, whatever you want to call it thing, It's just something I don't feel comfortable with, it grosses me out. I have nothing against people who do but for me it's wrong on so many levels. I know nowadays a lot of girls are just as bad as the guys when it comes to sleeping around, and maybe it's encouraged guys more, they feel it's okay to ask inappropriate questions because they sometimes get a response from it. I can safely say I'm not going to be talking/meeting guys online from these so called dating sites, or should I say "sexing sites".

I wasn't sure whether to do this or not, but I wanted to share some of the things I got asked as I had a laugh (mainly out of shock) at the balls of some of these guys. They were pretty upfront.

A 19 yr old: Send me a pic of you naked plz.
( I deleted)

A 51 yr old: Hey, you have beautiful eyes, Are you attracted to older men?
Me: Thank you. I guess, It depends on how old.
51 yr old: I'm 51. Your profile says your 5ft, Small girls turn me on, what are your sexiest features?
Me: Oh, you're quite a lot older than me then.
51 yr old: Yes, I'm very experienced I could teach you a lot, What are your sexiest spots?
( I deleted) Don't get me wrong, I don't mind older guys, but when they are older than your Dad that's just weird lmao.

32 yr old: I wish you were here.
Me: Why?
32 yr old: I'm feeling very horny.
( I deleted)

19 yr old: Send me a picture please, your profile pic won't show.
I send a picture (Of my FACE!)
19 yr old: I like, show me more of you with less clothes.
Me: No, you're alright.
19 yr old: Why?
Me: Because I don't even know you, I'm not into that.
19 yr old: Oh well you're not even that hot anyway. bye

25 yr old: What turns you on? You look like a girl who likes anal.
Me: Are you actually serious?
25 yr old: Yeah, I guess you're not into that then.
(I deleted)

22 yr old: Hey beautiful, fancy having cyber sex, would really turn me on.
Me: No..
(I deleted)

So there you have it, some of the messages I got, Atleast now you know not to do online dating. What a weird bunch of people.....or am I just old fashioned and naive? How can any girl find those kinds of messages attractive seriously. I'd love to know what your opinions are.

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A New Me?

This will probably be a fairly long blog post as I have so much to update you on. I've debated to make each subject into separate posts but I think that will take too long, so instead I'm doing one huge mass post....I hope you don't mind.

Recently my life seems to have flipped around and things have been going good for me, really good. I almost don't want to write this post as I'm scared I might be jinxing it, but I'm really happy and I want to share that.
I've always believed in fate and things will come to you when you least expect it or when the "time" is right and maybe it's my time now. (At last).

So as most of you know, I've been doing pretty well at managing my anxiety, I still have the odd blips here and there but the difference being I get back up and start again instead of letting it rule my life and decisions. It's hard to know when my luck seemed to change, a lot as happened at once.

29th March - Family Get Together.

I rarely get to see my Dad's side of the family, so it's always nice when we meet up. I always find myself getting nervous because I want to impress them, I want them to know I'm doing well, and it's hard to feel proud when you're not really doing anything at the time. So I always try to avoid conversations about "me" and what I'm up to as I never really know what to say. The difference this time was I was open and honest, I've always been ashamed to have a mental illness and I try to hide it. I had a lovely chat with my Grandad about what I want to do and where I want to be in life, we talked about his past and his family and he reassured me that I can do what I want, if I want it bad enough. I also spoke to my Aunt about how I find it hard to socialise and I don't have very high self confidence/self esteem and a part from her being a little shocked as she's always known me as a confident girl, she was very open and didn't judge me, she made me feel comfortable and It made me realise if you can be honest with anyone, it's your family because they will love you for you and that's all that matters. I was proud that I was a bit more open. It was lovely to see everyone. 

Job Hunting.

I was helping my step-dad look for jobs online, and while looking I came across a few I thought were perfect for me. Normally I would completely freak out and not even contemplate applying for them, So many things would go through my mind. "I'm not good enough" "I'm too overweight" "They won't like me" "How will I get there" "I can't get the bus, people will laugh" "It's not suitable" "It's going to make my anxiety worse" "You won't be able to even attend the interview without looking stupid" etc. This time instead of allowing myself to criticise before I'd even done anything, I just took the pressure off, I thought "There is no harm in applying, you probably won't even get an interview but if you do and you don't feel comfortable about going, then that's fine, at least you've made progress in even applying, If you do get an interview and manage to go (which is fine if you don't go) and you get the Job, if you don't want to do it or you don't feel ready for it, that is also fine." I broke it down, into 3 steps, the first being just applying for it and wait to see if even step 2 comes along; an interview. Before hand I was acting as if applying for it was saying I'm accepting the job which is silly because in most cases you don't even get an interview. 

The other thing that put me off applying is the fact I have no experience and only GCSE's, no one is going to even look twice at my CV, especially because I've been out of education and work for over 4 years. So I made the decision of putting a little bit about my mental illness on my covering letter just explaining why I haven't been active in the last few years and how I'd happily answer any questions or doubts they had, I would also be willing to work for them voluntarily to prove I am the right person for job. I know this is a huge risk, but I thought what have I got to lose, at least I'm showing I'm honest instead of them thinking I'm just lazy and haven't bothered. 

Veterinary Nursing.  

I've wanted to do an animal based course for about 4 years now, I've applied to college twice, once in 2011 and again in 2013. In 2011 I couldn't even attend the induction without having a full blown panic attack after just receiving the letter so I cancelled my application. I made progress in 2013 as I did go to the induction, I thought it was a one on one, it ended up being a whole group of us which freaked me out but in way it was good because once I got there I couldn't back out, If I knew it was a group meeting I probably wouldn't of even attended. It was a great day, I got on with the other students and the lectures were very friendly and super understanding of my anxiety, it made me feel motivated and I was convinced by September I would be going back to college. The problem was I was now classed as an adult, I wasn't eligible to use the designated college buses as they were for 16-19 years, I had to make my own way there. Which meant trying to pass my test in a couple of months when I had only started driving, or getting 3 buses. This freaked me out big time as I still hadn't manage to get the bus on my own but I thought I would be able to overcome that. I was wrong, and inevitably went down hill and shut off from the world making my anxiety worse....I've learnt not to do that now. 

My Aunt came across an online Veterinary Assistant course on Groupon a few weeks ago, at first when my Nan told me about it, I was very withdrawn, I didn't know much about the course and I couldn't get my head around how you would learn to do something fairly practical online. I had a look into the course and it sounded perfect, it was pretty much everything I've wanted to learn enabling me to work with animals. My lovely Nan said she would pay for it knowing how long I've had my heart set on a course like this, I was dubious, it was a lot of money even with the discount and I didn't want her to fork out the money if It wasn't something I was set on. I had a think about it and realised I was once again trying to talk myself out of a great opportunity, I can do this course in my own time and from the comfort of my own home, what was there to be unsure about? I eventually realised I would regret not taking the course while it was a decent price, maybe it was just meant to be? I start the course in May/June, which I'm looking forward too. 

Isle Of Wight.

Over Easter weekend I went to the Isle of Wight with my Dad, Brother, Step-Mum and Step Brother. I haven't been there since I was about 6 or 7 and I have so many childhood memories from there. I've wanted to go back for a while now, so was super excited. We had a wonderful time, I pushed myself into situations I wasn't 100% comfortable with ,which I normally wouldn't do. While everyone was on the amusements I would walk further away until I couldn't see them, I would go to the toilet by myself, I wasn't so afraid about being on my own, I knew they weren't miles away. It was a fantastic weekend and boosted my confidence.

Job Interview.

I got a phone call from a woman a few days ago who said she had read my covering letter about my mental illness and she wanted to explain a bit about what the job was before she offered me an interview, I can't believe how understanding and helpful this lady was, she was so supportive and wanted what was best for me as well as for her, after a brief chat on the phone she has arranged for us to meet this Wednesday; to see if she believes I'm suited for the job and for me to know a bit more about what I'll be doing, so I know if I'll feel comfortable with it. We shall see where this takes me. 

Shopping and Partying with Abi.

I had to get some interview clothes as I want to make a good impression. Abi also wanted to celebrate getting a new job, we decided to to go to Peterborough and have a girly shopping day. This was a test for me as.....I LOST Abi, she had my bag with my phone and purse in, I was looking at some t-shirts I turned around and she had disappeared. I spent about 15 minutes looking around the whole shop trying to find her, there was no sign, I could feel myself starting to panic, I calmed myself down and took myself to customer services (which normally I would of felt too stupid to do) and they gave an announcement, she eventually made her way back and we had a giggle over it as we actually realised we had passed each other 3 times......darn us for being small! I was proud of myself, I didn't care if people at the customer services thought I was stupid, I was worried, it was a big store and I could feel myself panicking, I'd rather people think I was silly or over sensitive than have a major panic attack in front of some strangers. 

We then decided to go out for a few drinks as she rarely gets a Friday or Saturday night off. We thought it would be a quiet night just the two of us but it was pretty adventurous, I rarely go out because I don't do well with loud drunk people, I'm normally too shy and too insecure, worried about what they think of me. I actually had a lot of fun, I never get chatted up but I was approached by 3 guys, and I was pretty funny if I do say so myself,  it was strange though because most of you have seen my sister, she is stunning she gets male attention a lot! Like flies to poop! It has boosted my confidence considering how low my self esteem is. I now sound vain hahah my bad. Overall we had a fantastic night, I couldn't do it on a regular basis but I'm going to make more of an effort to go out a bit more.

There you have it, a little bit about what I've been up to, hopefully things will continue to go on the up. Thanks for reading.

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Sibling Tag With My Sister

One of my favourite tags is the sibling tag, it's a series of questions which you and your sibling(s) answer and discuss, I wanted to do this with both my siblings but as I don't get to see my Brother that often it's hard to find time when we're all together, so I've just done it with my sister and hopefully sometime soon, if my brother agrees then there may be a part 2. It's more of a youtuber thing but as I don't have a youtube channel yet and I don't plan on getting one in the near future I've decided to write out a tag video. We just recorded ourselves answering the questions and I've typed it out.

Without further ado here is our conversation:

Q1) Who is the oldest?

Abi: Becky isss...
Me: I'm the oldest, I'm 21 and Abi is?
Abi: 18.

Q2) Any nicknames?

Abi: Yours is Boo, what, is it for each other?
Me: Yeah, do we have any nicknames that we call each other.
Abi: Bex.
Me: You've had loads of nicknames
Abi: Oh yeah.
Me: You've had Scabby....
Abi:...Gappy,
Me: Gappy. Piranha was one?
Abi: Yeah
Me: Troll..
Abi: Ginger?
Me: Yeah Ginger, erm, what else have you had? You weren't trout? You was troll.
Abi: You was trout but I didn't ever call you trout, so I'm clearly the nice sister.
Me: Have you ever called me nicknames?
Abi: I just call you Bex.
Me: Have you never called me anything else?
Abi: No *Laughs* I'm the nice one.
Me: *Laughs* Guess you are.

Q3) Funniest memories of each other?

Abi: *Laughs Hysterically* 
Me: What? Whats funny?
Abi: I know my one of you.
Me: Okay, go on then.
Abi: *Laughs* 
Me: Is it funny or bad?
Abi: You won't like it.
Me: I wont?
Abi: No. It was the time when we were walking to the bus stop...
Me: Aw yeah, thats fine.
Abi: .. and then, erm, there was this massive curb and then you tripped up the curb and you went proper slow motion until you fell down and everytime I think of it makes me laugh.
Me: Yeah but I've fallen over so many times.
Abi: but that was the funniest. *Giggles*
Me: That wasn't that long ago though.
Abi: I know.
Me: Have you got any other funny memories of me when I was younger?
Abi: Errrrm, I don't know.
Me: My funniest memory of you, it's not even funny though, it's just a memory I remember that was big, it's actually quite sad.
Abi: Ohhhh..
Me: It was when you choked on the pringle and nearly died
Abi: *Laughs*
Me: It's not even funny.
Abi: Another was when, we weren't like really young but it was when you wouldn't get off the computer and I threw a nail polish bottle at your head.
Me: That wasn't funny?
Abi: It's funny now because I was like "If you don't get off the computer now then I'm going to throw this nail polish at your head" and you were like "You wouldn't dare!" and then turned around and carried on and I was like "Wanna bet?" and I threw it and your face was hilarious.
Me: Then I pounced on you and was pounding you on the leg
Abi: and it was funny because we were in separate rooms crying....
Me: Did I make your lip bleed then?
Abi: Yeah  I had like a puffed up lip *giggles*
Me: Do you know my funniest memory of you? I remember it now. It was when we were in Tattenhoe and we got these chocolate buttons for Jazz....
Abi: Ohh I know.
Me: ...and we gave you one so that you could give to the dog and you assumed they were real chocolate buttons and you ate it, you turned around a few seconds later and went "This chocolate button tastes funny" and we all just burst out laughing and said "Your not suppose to eat it, it's for the dog. It's dog chocolate not for you." That was so funny. Actually there's been quite a few funny memories. One when I asked you where Lapland is and you thought it was in Australia.
Abi: Yeah but someone told me that Lapland was actually hot and I know Australia is hot.
Me: *Giggles* and another one, what was it to do with? the microwave and 60 seconds?
Abi: Oh yeah I was like "you're only suppose to leave it in for a minute and I left it for 60 seconds"
Me: *Laughs* and I was like "That is a minute"
Abi:  and I was like "Ohhh yeah"

Q4) Most memorable argument?

Me: *Laughs* That was the nail polish one we mentioned earlier
Abi: Yeahh, we proper got in a fight about that.
Me: That one and the one when I couldn't find my earplugs.
Abi: You woke me up and you like locked me in the bedroom, you wouldn't let me sleep and you were like "You're going to help me find these earplugs" and then I got really angry at you and you got really angry with me.
Me: I remember one argument, I don't actually know what it was actually about, but I remember we didn't speak for about 4 or 5 days. It was summer, and we were living in this house, we were in the garden and mum was trying to get us to make up. I think I was 18 at the time and you were 16 and apparently I said something really mean about you and Mum made me go for a walk, so me and Mum went for a walk and she was talking to me, trying to get me to make up with you.
Abi: I remember what you said, but I can't remember what it was about.
Me: What was it I said?
Abi: It was something like, erm, "I wish you were dead so that..." it was something like "I wish you were dead so you...I wouldn't have to be your sister" or something like that.
Me: Did I really say that?
Abi: or something like "I'd rather you die" something like that, really mean
Me: *Shocked* Realllly? Did I really say that?
Abi: It was something like that, it really really hurt me and then thats why I didn't talk to you
Me: ...Nooo?
Abi: It was something along those lines.
Me: I think I remember the argument being about a boy, I couldn't understand at your age, at sixteen you were getting so involved and upset over a boy. I remember mum was having ago at me, because we are complete opposites and mum was saying that I don't trust enough and I don't open up enough and you trust too much. I was like "Love is stupid and you shouldn't ever fall in love"
Abi: Yeah and I was like the opposite
Me: Yeah and you was like you're so cynical.
Abi: I think that was it, but you got really nasty with me and I wouldn't talk to you after that.
Me: I can't remember what I said or what you said but we didn't talks for days
Abi: Then you came into the garden and just like started a conversation with me, I think you got annoyed I wasn't talking to you.
Me: No I remember Mum made me go for a walk and her telling me off, telling me I had to make more of an effort with you
Abi: I remember not talking to you and you thinking I was gonna give in and I didn't and then eventually you started a conversation with me.
Me: Probably, because you're more stubborn than me
Abi: Yeah *Giggles*
Me: Whenever we fall out, it's always me who ends up apologising *Giggles*
Abi: Yeah I won't apologise
Me: *Laughs*

Q5) Most cherished memories?

Abi: *Laughs* We don't have cherished memories!
Me: No we do.
Abi: When we went to potter world.
Me: Yeah that was a cherished memory. I liked when we went to Sheffield together.
Abi: Yeah that was really nice.
Me: I liked sharing that experience with you.
Abi: When we use to play teddies and we use to do the crane
Me: Oh yeahhh, oh yeahhh! When we was younger, Mum would send us to bed and we would never go to bed, we would play teddies and all these other games.
Abi: You still use to threaten me though *Laughs* you were like "I'm not going to play with you unless I get this teddy"
Me: True. When we was younger, or even now, we've always stuck together like a pair, like if we ever went out to places, like a theme park we always stuck together. It was always like I'm sitting with Abi
Abi: Yeah. even like now when we go out for a meal we always sit next to each other.
Me:  Do you remember that time we went to Wimpy and I bought you that really big BBQ burger?
Abi: *Giggles* Yeah.
Me: It was the most expensive burger on the menu! Did you eat all?
Abi: I think so.
Me: I was like "You're never going to eat that" and I think you actually did.
*Few seconds later*
Me: No, I think my most cherished memory, probably, was when we went to Sheffield because I really enjoyed that.
Abi: I really enjoyed that day, it was such a good day

Q6) Do you have any old photo's together?

Abi: Yeah we do, I like the one where I'm in that velvet dress and you've got your arm around me
Me: I'll have a look, there is loads on facebook and I'll add them on.

Sorry Abi I couldn't find the one you like.

Abi and Me (Circa 1995)

Abi and Me Circa 1998

Abi and Me Circa 2000

Abi and Me on Holiday in 2008

Me, Dad and Abi at Dad's wedding in 2009

Abi and Me on Hunstanton beach in 2011

Me and Abi at our cousins wedding in Oct 2013

Q7) The last thing you talked/texted about?

Abi: Ermmmm....
Me: It was about your night at work really wasn't it? or that film you was watching?
Abi: Yeah, erm. It's hard to tell, I think that questions more for people who like don't see each other very often.
Me: Lets change it to the last thing we text about.
Abi: I don't know what that is?
Me: I'll find out.
Abi: Okay.
Me: ha, about Mcdonalds. I asked you, "If you go to Mcdonalds can you get me a Mcflurry"
Abi: *Laughs*
Me: and you said you would but then you said you weren't gonna go because Mum and Darryl look tired.
Abi: *Laughs*
Me: That was the last thing we texted about....Mcdonalds!
Abi: Mcdonalds, we've got our priorities right.

Q8) Are you close?

Abi: Yeah, we are now.
Me: Yeah we're very close now aren't we?
Abi: Yeah, we wasn't before.
Me: Well we kind of went through a phase, when we were really really young we were quite close and then when we got to about....
Abi: When I got to about 12 and you were like...really mean to me.
Me: No you were younger than that. When you was about 8 onwards, because it was kinda like you and Matt would side against me.
Abi: Mmmm
Me: Then when I got to about 17 we got on for a little bit
Abi: Yeah
Me: I'd probably say it's in the last 2 to 3 years that we get on now.
Abi: Yeah I'd say the same.
Me: but we get on really well now.
Abi: Yeah, I think because we are both older and understand each other more.
Me: Yeah
Abi: Before we didn't get on because we were so different.
Me: but we're still different.
Abi: We're still different but we've just accepted that.
Me: Like I don't try and tell you what to do anymore *Giggles* because it's just not going to work. When I was younger, I use to try and tell you what to do,
Abi: Yeah, I don't get as frustrated with you anymore.
Me: No, I just let you get on with what you wanna do now. I've given up trying. *Laughs*
Abi: *Laughs* Yeah.

Q9) What annoys you the most about each other?

Abi: Ermmmm
Me: Oh dear. Right mine with you is: your be having a conversation with Abi and she'll be listening but she'll be on her phone the whole time, texting and I'm just like "Can you just put your phone down for a few seconds"
Abi: *Laughs Hysterically*
Me: and also when I want to play a game on her phone, she won't let me play it, she is so protective over her phone.
Abi: Yeah, I'm like "NO!"
*Few seconds later*
Abi: Mine with you is that you are superrrr hyperactive sometimes...
Me: and then really grumpy?
Abi: well no, I don't mind it when you're grumpy
Me: *Laughs*
Abi: but when your super hyperactive, you just have so much to say and you go really crazy and you sometimes start poking me or stand in my way so I can't get past you.
Me: I've got ADHD man (It's a joke, I don't really)
Abi: *Giggles*
Me: Also another thing, which annoyed me about you which has stopped. You'd always come in my room and steal my dry shampoo, but I forced you to buy your own.
Abi: Yeah, I buy my own now. I always use to get scared like "Oh no Becky's going to find out"
Me: That time you lied to me, I caught you coming from my room and I said "Nicking my dry shampoo again?" and you said "Noo I was nicking.." what was it you were nicking?
Abi: No I didn't just use your dry shampoo, I used something else.
Me: yeah and I asked you and you said "Nooo" and then I came up to my room and smelt it and went "ABI YOU LIED!"
Abi: I was like "OH NO!" *Laughs*
Me: Yeah, that's all that really annoys me.
Abi: I think you can be quite... not opinionated but sometimes you can be stuck in your way of thinking. Like you sometimes struggle to see other peoples points of view, I think you find it difficult?
Me: *High Pitch* I'm working on that though.
Abi: You're a lot better than what you use to be
Me: I use to be very black and white thinking.
Abi: Yeah whereas now you're more open minded.
Me: My therapist told me that.
Abi: *Laughs*
Me: He did.

Q10) Do you hang out and do things together?

Abi: Yeah, when we can.
Me: Yeah we do when we can. I'm always like "Abi do this with me"
Abi: and I'm like "Nooo"
Me: You're really busy at the moment, you rarely have free time, you're doing A-levels....
Abi: I'm always like really tired
Me: Yeah you're always tired and ill. Or you're working all the time.
Abi: So when I do get time off, I just kinda wanna do nothing and sleep and not do stuff.
Me: I'm like the opposite. "Abi, Abi, Abi lets do something"
Abi: but when we do do things together, like when I was really down a few months ago, you made me get up and do things to the point where I was like falling asleep on the bus because I was that tired.. That was after Swimming.
Me: Oh yeah and you was like "How do you swim?" I was like "It's easy"
Abi: *Laughs* "How do you swim?"
Me: I'd thought you would do more than me because I thought you was fitter than me.
Abi: No I don't have a lot of muscle.
Me: When I got you to go to the gym with me and you couldn't do the lowest weights
Abi: Yeah and that women said I was puny.
Me: *Laughs* Yeah you never went back to the gym. We do do quite a lot together, even if it's little things, like I'll cook dinner for us both.
Abi: Sometimes we'll just sit downstairs and watch a film.
Me: We watched Frozen, didn't we?
Abi: That was well fun, I like that film

Q11) Are you competitive?

Both: No. *Laughs*

Me: Not at all. We're really not competitive at all.
Abi: We're actually more the opposite.
Me: The only thing I can think of that is slightly competitive but it's not really. I'm always like "Can you do my hair" because you always do your hair really nice.
Abi: It's more when you say "I really like your hair and your make-up I wish my hair was like that"
Me: Yeah. It's not really me being competitive, I don't try and make my hair better than yours I just always wonder how you do it so nice.
Abi: When we was younger I always got jealous because I use to think Mum liked you more and I'd become really competitive because I wanted to be the liked child. I'd get really jealous of you.
Me: That's really weird, because when I was like 16 you'd get really jealous of me and then a few years ago when you was 16 I was really jealous of you. Now we've just learnt to accept each other.
Abi: We're not competitive though.
Me: No we're not.
Abi: When it comes to games, we don't get competitive we just have fun with it.
Me: Yeah, we're just like whatever, we couldn't care less who wins or loses.
Me: I can't even think of one thing we're competitive about?
Abi: No, neither can I. We're really laid back.
Me: but to be honest, I'm not really competitive with anyone.
Abi: Neither am I.
Me: I just can't be bothered. If i'm playing a game with someone who competitive, then I will purposely try and lose just so they win.
Abi: Yeah like Matt. Matt is competitive.
Me: Yeah he's very competitive.

Q12) Have you ever fancied your siblings friends?

Abi: *Laughs* The truth comes out now.... No I don't actually know. I think I fancied....what was his name? erm Daniel Butler or something?
Me: Oh did you?
Abi: I think I did
Me: You kind of fancied Joe?
Abi: Who?
Me: Joe.
Abi: Who's that? *Giggles*
Me: Jakes friend, Joe.
Abi: Ohhhhh yeahhhh, I remember that.
Me: When I was at school, I was kind of friends with him, you fancied him a bit. Didn't you go out with him?
Abi: No.
Me: Actually I use to fancy, he wasn't really your friend though. I think he was more Amy's friend.
Abi: Ohhh. What? Rhees Smith? *Laughs* BRIGHT BLUE EYES!
Me: I never spoke to him or never met him but I just knew of him and I quite liked him.
Abi: Yeah that's about it
Me: I think because most of our friends were girls, because If I did this with Matt then I'd be like yeah I fancied nearly all your friends *Laughs*

Abi: Really?
Me: Yeah.

Q13) One thing you can do that your sibling can't?

Abi: I've got bendy thumbs.
Me: I can cook.
Abi: I CAN cook, just not as well as you.
Me:....Okay.
Abi: You can lift weights. I can't.
Me: Yeah but that's something you can learn (I meant train towards)
Abi: You can do that weird eye thing.
Me: What weird eye thing?
Abi: Where you flip your eyelids up, that's disgusting.
Me: Can you not do that?
Abi: No I can't, that's disgusting.
Me: Let's just say like a skill?
Abi: Can you do a handstand?
Me: I use to, probably can't anymore.
Abi: I've never been able to do a handstand.
Me: I haven't done one in freaking ages though.
Abi: I can read fast.
Me: Yeah I'm a really slow reader.I think this question should be more like, skills you're better at than each other. Like I'm better at cooking and you're better at.......dancing?
Abi: Not really, not like serious dancing.
Me: No but still, you're a good dancer, if you was to train you'd be really good. I'd be bad, my rhythm and timing is terrible. You're good at games, I'm rubbish at games.
Abi: Yeah I'm really good at....I'm not really good but I am good at games.
Me: Compared to me.
Abi: but you're really bad.
Me: You play xbox games, I hate xbox games.
Abi: You're like "oooo what does this do?"
Me: The only games I can play are like simulation games. I like logical games like sudoku (Even though that's not even a game Becky)
Abi: Yeah I'm not good at logic games.
Me: I like brain teasers like professor layton. 
Abi: I really liked Ace Attorney.
Me: Yeah that wasn't too bad. but you like Assassin's Creed, Fable and all of that kind
Abi: Adventure games.
Me: I'm rubbish at those.

Q14) Who is better looking?

Abi: *Laughs*
Me: Easily you! Easily!
Abi: That's a horrible question.
Me: It's true though, C'mon admit it.
Abi: You was really good looking though when you was like 16
Me: Really?
Abi: I was still like really childish looking and you had curves and big boobs and long blonde hair and you use to look so pretty all the time.
Me: Yeah but face wise, who has the better face? I think you've got the better face
Abi: but we look quite similar?
Me: I don't think we do. I've got a really round face and even though you've got chubby cheeks like me you've still got an oval face. Your structure, your nose is the right size, your chin is, like my chin is really.. like....
Abi: Your chin is the same as mine!
Me: It's not.
Abi: Yeah it is, we have like the same chin.
Me: but think of it this way, if we were to go out and ask 100 people who was better looking who would they say the most?
Abi: but that's because like......
Me: *Whispers* Don't make excuses.
Abi: but people our age prefer really skinny people don't they?
Me: but if we just took a picture of our faces?
Abi: Our faces?
Me: Yeah, It would still be you.
Abi: I don't know.
Me: You know they would! It's ok to admit you're better looking Abi, I'm not going be like "I hate you for saying that"
Abi: *Laughs* No, it's just I don't think you're not good looking.
Me: I'm not saying you think I'm not good looking, just out of the two of us, you've got the better looks.
Abi: *Mumbles* ...Okay
Me: It's true.

Q15) Who is the most creative?

Abi: Probably you.
Me: Yeah i'm gonna admit to that one.
Abi: I'm not very creative, I'm not very good at drawing, you're not good a drawing?
Me: I'm crap at drawing.
Abi: but you're good at making like Christmas cards...
Me: I'm creative because I like to be creative (I don't even know how that makes any sense?)
Abi: I'm more imaginative
Me: Yeah you're imaginative and I'm creative. 
Abi: If we put our brains together, we could be a really good Artist.
Me: Yeah we could if one of us could draw. I'm creative in the sense I like to make videos, or photoshopping; I like to edit photos and make pictures.
Abi: I'm too lazy for any of that.
Me: I also like to create crafts, like cards. I get these ideas where I get these books and write little quotes in them but because i'm so bad at drawing I wreck it so thats why I prefer using my creativity on the computer.
Abi: I don't really draw.
Me: You're a better drawer than me. Is that even a word? You're better at drawing than me.
Abi: I don't know I'm not that good at drawing.
Me: You're not great, but I remember you went through a phase at about 15 where you was drawing loads. You weren't that bad. I did art at school and whenever it came to drawing I hated it.
Abi: I tried to do art but they put me in an optional one where you had to do it all in your free time and you never got a lesson on it so I stopped doing it.
Me: I liked stuff to do with fabric and creating
Abi: You wanted to be a fashion designer at one point?
Me: Yeah I'd still like to be a fashion designer but I can't draw and you have to draw. It's weird because Nan's really good at drawing.
Abi: I know. Why haven't we got Nan's talent? Nan had to develop hers.
Me: That's what I mean, if you was to have carried on drawing and developed your skill, you'd probably be quite good now.
Abi: Yeah Probably.

I'm not even exaggerating when I say this took me hours to type out, I almost wish we just did a video instead. I'm so glad this post is over, It was fun to do, but not to type out ha! If you really enjoy it that much though I might make another one sometime in far away future! Let me know what you think?

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Background Info and Welcome 2014

Welcome To My Life.

Hi there, so this is my first post and believe me I've been going over and over in my head to what I should post, I finally came to a decision that I would just start it with a little background info on my life so far and how things have got to where they are. I'm going to try and keep this "biography" as short as possible as I don't want to bore you all and scare you all off when I haven't even started yet!

So I was born on the 19th June 1992. This is me:

Now to tell you where I'm at in life is pretty hard for me as there isn't really much for me to be proud of. I'm 21, a college dropout with minimal qualifications, never worked a days work in my life and battled with mental health issues for the past few years. It's been tough to say the least. When I was younger I'd imagined what my life would have been like by the time I'd hit my twenties and it's far from the reality. I always thought i'd leave school do my a-levels go to uni and then get a job in my chosen field.

So why didn't this happen?  I didn't realise it at the time but I actually suffer with anxiety disorder, I find change and fitting in very nerve wrecking and challenging. It's strange because once I'm settled I'm quite a confident person, out going with lots of friends and on the whole very sociable but on the other hand when things aren't going quite as I predicted I become very shy, anxious, withdrawn and want to hide from the world. I noticed this first at around the age of 13 when I moved schools, I couldn't settle in, I found it hard to make friends etc, and being at that awkward age where girls hormones are rife it was kind of ignored and blamed on the fact I was just being a unreasonable teenager, people didn't understand but eventually with help from the social and the school I finally fitted in and became "me" and ironically took up drama and enjoyed being under the spotlight.

I then noticed this feeling of anxiety and dread again when I started college. I chose to take up A-levels and after a couple of weeks, I once again felt alone, unsafe, and insecure. I couldn't cope with the work, everyone seemed to be making friends except me, I was getting panic attacks in the morning, I wasn't sleeping at night. I decided it wasn't right for me and with it being so early on I was able to switch courses. So I switched to doing a diploma in ICT, not because I had an interest in it, but simply because I knew people on that course, my brother being one of them and people I went to school with. I settled in very quickly and felt happy again and strangely found a new love for computing. I completed the course over the year and decided to take the higher level which was a 2 year course. Things seemed to go downhill, even though I knew people on the course and had friends who I was with, I started to feel anxious and have panic attacks again, I couldn't pinpoint a reason for them this time and over the weeks friends became distant and the relationship I was in broke off, so I started avoiding things more and more and went into a downward spiral, where eventually I was having panic attacks every morning just to get my bus to college and it became so draining, physically and emotionally that I dropped out, not the best choice I made but I made it nonetheless.

The next 3 years was pretty much a battle with myself trying to force myself to get out of bed, to leave the house and make it through the day. At one point I was so terrified of going outside that I was housebound, I wouldn't even answer the phone or door to anyone for about 6 months. I was on medication, seeing different therapists, it was a rollercoaster few years, from feeling able to try and get my life back on track to not even being able to get out of bed but nothing seemed to matter until now.

In April 2013 I started declining again, my family noticed a big switch in my mood and were worried for my safety, my mum made the choice of taking me to the doctors and when I told them I was feeling suicidal they got in touch with the crisis team who came and assessed me, I was then referred to a psychiatrist to rule out bipolar and other mental illnesses and he diagnosed me with depression and anxiety disorder and said I needed CBT (Cognitive behavioural therapy) as it was quite deep rooted. I then met a man called Dan (my CBT Therapist) and although I had had therapy before in 2010 which didn't seem to make any difference, this time round it did, maybe it was the person, the time, or me, I'm not quite sure but while seeing Dan, I was also seeing a lady called Chloe who is a health trainer, she was helping me with my diet and referred me onto Vikki a personal trainer through the nhs, and I started going to the gym, Maybe the fact I had all three of these people helping me and believing in me I started to believe in myself. I haven't felt this positive for over 4 years.

Early December Chloe (Health Trainer) discharged me as she thought i'd made enough progress to go it alone, 19th December, Dan (Therapist) discharged me as he thought too I'd made enough progress and on the 16th Jan I have my final meeting at the Gym to review my progress. I'm still going to continue going to the gym though as, I want to lose weight but most importantly exercise is good for the mind and it releases endorphins which make you feel happy.

Now it's 2014, and I don't know where this year will take me but I hope I continue at making my life a happier and healthier one.

I'm making this blog to track my moods, my diet, and my goals. Sometimes it's easier to do things together so if you have anything you wish to change or improve on then lets tackle them together!

Goals for 2014: 

1. Get a bus on my own (Haven't done that in 4 years)  I now can get on the bus on my own yay!
2. Start driving
3. Lose weight
4. Work on going to college or getting into work - I'm studying to be a veterinary nurse
5. Say YES to more things and not let opportunities slide.

What are your goals?

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