18 Aug 2014

So, It's Been A While.......

The last couple of months have been......strange, I don't really know how else to describe it. So I'll explain what I've been up to since my last post.

Summer Arrived.

I've never really been a summer loving type of girl, The sun is suppose to make you happy and to motivate you but in all honesty it doesn't have that effect on me. I hate the summer, mainly because it means stripping down into shorts and vests and well we all know I don't have the perfect body and I really admire those who do have the confidence to wear what they want and not care, but me, I hate showing skin, I'm much happier in a baggy jumper and thick leggings, I just feel more comfortable and it's not even because I'm worried about what people think, I couldn't care less, it's me, even in my own home I refuse to wear shorts or a vest (unless I have a cardigan over the top) I feel bare and humiliated by myself. I also hate summer because of the heat, now of course my clothing choices don't help but I'm one of those rare people who can't stand being hot and sweaty, I literally melt in the sun, after 5 minutes I'm looking for shade. I get headaches and feel sick, I literally can't think of anything worse than laying under the sun, hence why I'm so pale.....I can live with that though.

My 22nd Birthday.

So I turned 22, it was fun, I was spoilt as always and I did really enjoy myself.....but as each year goes by, it's another reminder of how little I've accomplished and the older I'm getting the harder and scarier it is becoming. 

Anxiety/Putting Things Off.

So for some reason, I've being putting everything off, even stupid little things like washing my hair....it's gross I know, but I've been supper sluggish and lazy, I feel so guilty about it and I know it's got to change. I've been putting off exercise which is why I probably feel lazy. I've been putting of my veterinary course, I've been putting off cleaning/tidying. I've been putting off going out anywhere. I pretty much just sleep and eat, it's really embarrassing for me to admit and the longer it keeps going on the harder things will become, so I'm going to make a conscious effort to sort this error in my life out.

Losing My Childhood Companion.

My beautiful Jasmine, she may have been an unusual dog, but if you got to know her like I did, she was special and she only allowed people she trusted and loved close to her heart and that wasn't many lol she was very protective. We lost her to cancer in the end, she was 13 years old and had a long happy life. It's hard not having her around, I was only 9 when we got her, shes been there through everything. Every house move, every argument and fallout and every celebration and laughter. I will dearly miss her and It will never feel the same without her.

Now for somethings a little more positive.


We decided to get another dog, my mum has always wanted a Caviler King Charles Spaniel, ever since she was a little girl. One night we happened to research into the breed a bit more, get a bit more information, price, temperament, health conditions, if they get on well with cats etc etc. It just so happened there was one little boy pup left about 8 miles down the road from us and it was the exact gender and colouring my mum wanted. We didn't want to get a puppy so soon, but after we thought about it, we kind of just felt as if it was meant to be, what are chances of the exact breed/gender and colouring to be so close to your home, and for it to be ready to be collected at that time. A lot of people would just say it's coincidence, but it felt a little like fate for us. Although we still miss Jasmine so very much, and it's still not the same without her. At least we have a little something to keep us occupied and positive while we get use to her not being around. 


So I may not be exercising, but at least I've kept my diet on track. I still only eat brown rice/ brown pasta, veg/salad and chicken/fish 99% of the times. I've even been adventurous and tried Quinoa and Courgettes....didn't think i'd like them but, turns out I actually do. I've been making a conscious effort to drink more water as I'm pretty terrible at this. I tend to fill up on fizzy and high sugared drinks, which I'm slowing cutting back on.....it's hard ok! I've had a few off days, where I've binged on chocolate but I don't let myself go off the rail, I tell myself it's ok in moderation, you've got to treat yourself a little, but it's about knowing when to stop, trust me, if you knew me 3 years ago......I've improved so much. 

Veterinary Course

I may have been putting it off more than I should be, but I am making progress, I've passed  3 tests so far and currently studying lesson 4. I think because Lesson 2 was such a long, and hard lesson, it took me ages and I found it really difficult getting my head around it, but I eventually did and i'm breaking the lessons up into sections which is helping a lot, instead of trying to cram it all in to my brain in one go....it just doesn't work. 

I know where i'm going/gone wrong and at least me recognizing that is something, so I can take the steps to put it right. I keep reminding myself how far I've come in the last couple of years and how much improvement I've made and not to let it all go to waste. I guess we all have bad days....weeks even months, but noticing the reasons why and not letting them drag us down is the best we can do. Constantly reassuring yourself it's ok to be down but tomorrow is a new day and you need to pick yourself up and try again, just keep trying, no matter how many times you fall or fail, one day, you may eventually succeeded even if it's a little later than everyone else, you still did it, in your own unique way. 

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